What to do if you’re not charming to be popular.

Have you ever harboured resentment toward someone due to their natural talents? When my friends and I went on a ski trip, I experienced that.

A guy that my friend Rebecca met was invited to hang out with us. I couldn’t help but admire, covet, and detest his flawless physique, expertly moulded facial features, and the ease with which he used charm as he entered the room.

We agreed to see him and his friends at a later time. I went to bed early that evening, but when I inquired about it the following morning, Rebecca had changed her mind.

She added that he was not just haughty when he arrived at the resort that evening, but he was also dressed in a pair of baggy shorts with no underwear. He sat so that the girls could see his equipment—and I’m not talking about his ski equipment.

Stories like that show that while physical attractiveness and charm may be wonderful initial impressions, your inner characteristics are what truly count in the long term.

The opposite is true for those of us who lack stunning beauty. We may increase our attractiveness and desirability by acquiring the correct character traits—a lesson I had to learn the hard way.

In my twenties, I had trouble luring women. I had hair that was gradually fading, was quiet, and was shorter than the ideal guy. However, as I grew older and into my thirties, I understood I couldn’t rely on my looks or charisma. I’d have to alter the things I could, like my actions and words.

Playing the long game of delayed attraction involves acting and carrying oneself in a way that makes one more appealing as one gets to know one.

1. Use unusual compliments to master second impressions.

A kind comment creates a good first impression. If done correctly, it positions you to leave a lasting impact, but not if you give praise in the manner that most people do.

Do not complement someone on their eyes, hair, or smile. They are enjoyable but easily forgotten. Instead, congratulate them on their interests, talents, virtues, and sense of style.

Imagine meeting someone and noticing they are wearing interesting jewellery. enquire about it. You might find out that they created it themselves. Aplaud their sense of style and aptitude. A person is validated for who they are and what they do – things they control and deserve credit for — when they receive that kind of affirmation.

Unusual compliments help you stand out, but if you remember these specifics and let them know the next time you see them, they’ll feel extra special. That is how you leave a great first impression.

2. Make the one who is most uncomfortable feel at ease.

When I was 23, I left my parents’ Long Island house and travelled across the nation to Las Vegas to live. Two weeks after starting my job, I met my coworker Kristy, who extended an invitation to a gathering that weekend.

I met my fellow coworkers when I got there, and they made me feel unimportant. I simply stayed because I didn’t want to leave early since it would look awful. When Kristy eventually arrived, she sat down next to me and secretly made sure that I was the centre of attention. My other coworkers warmed up to me rather quickly.

It didn’t take me long to start crushing on Kristy. Although she didn’t share my sentiments, I noticed that she made it a point to make even the most uneasy individuals feel at ease during my stay there.

When you interact with a group of people, there are frequently one or two who don’t fit in. Perhaps they dislike being in groups or they feel uneasy for some other reason.

Make a special effort to make that uncomfortable individual feel at ease. You might meet someone new.

It’s not always about courting the person you like in order to draw others. Potential partners can learn a lot about you through the way you treat people, especially the most vulnerable.

3. Hold doors open for others without making a huge deal out of it.

A simple but considerate gesture might be holding a door open for someone.

Because they are pleasant and tiny enough to not make the recipient feel like they owe you anything in return, small, considerate acts increase your attraction. There’s a catch, though.

Only when you do it without expecting anything in return or demanding credit for your good deed will it have the desired effect.

4. Decide on a physical trait that you find bothersome and own it.

My barber drastically undercut my hair shortly after turning thirty. He had completely destroyed the complex styling method I used to conceal my bald area. I was so embarrassed that I ran back to my apartment, told my roommate I was sick, and then I slammed the door to my bedroom and grieved in private.

When I finally calmed down, I saw that my shorter hair looked better in the mirror. Later that day, I left my apartment without permission, got a pair of electric clippers, lowered them to the lowest level, and fell in love with myself. Since then, I haven’t purchased a haircut.

I accepted my fault, and my confidence instantly increased. I felt better, looked better, and had more self-confidence. I went on more dates in the next three months than I had in the preceding five.

I didn’t attract much attention with my shaved head, but as women got to know me, it became less and less important. I became more appealing and desired because of my self-assurance and mannerisms.

5. Even when your emotions scream differently, be courteous and respectful.

In my youth, the one quality I had going for me was the capacity to maintain composure, kindness, and respect in circumstances where most people would lose their sh*t.

I manned the front desk of the Waldorf Astoria in New York City in the 1990s. A person with mental illness approached me and began babbling about how the mayor was out to get her. Until security arrived, I patiently listened and entertained her dreams.

After the incident, a buddy and coworker approached me and gave me a hug.

She remarked, “That was beautiful.” “I’m not sure how you managed to be so composed and cool.”

A person who allows their emotions to control their words and actions has an unappealing quality. They become unwelcome even when there is no danger to themselves physically.

On the other hand, when you maintain composure and composure, especially when it’s difficult to do so, you present yourself as someone who is trustworthy, powerful, and attractive.

6. Act and speak appropriately at all times. It’s simpler than you would imagine.

In high school, my friend Jeremy had the ability to swoon anyone with a few simple words or gestures. My folks as well were impressed.

Jeremy always has the appropriate response to any circumstance.

I used to think he had a special talent. Years later, I discovered that anyone can learn the uncanny skill of saying or doing the right thing at the right time, a skill I eventually mastered by sharpening my situational awareness. If used correctly, it can make someone who lacks charm or charisma into someone who always understands what is appropriate to say and do.

In other words, evaluate your surroundings. Determine the obstacles faced by the individual(s) and their needs, then utilise that knowledge to model the optimal response. You will be guided through the procedure by these inquiries.

What is the environment?

We are where? Other people present? How might that impact how I react?
We are in a coffee house. There are John’s coworkers.

What would I want right now if I were them?
I’d like someone to switch the topic.

What prevents them from obtaining it?
If he handles it himself, it will appear as though he is concealing something.

What is the best course of action under the circumstances?
Enter a narrative about yourself. Funny you brought that up. A week ago…

Test it out on your own. You’ll eventually perform it automatically.

Final reflection

Nature can give you good looks, charisma, and humour, but it is just a head start, as the guy in the ski lodge demonstrated. Love yourself for who you are, show your character, and inspire people to feel remarkable about themselves if you want to succeed in the long run at the attraction game.

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